Changing your Mindset

In my over 25 years as a marriage and family therapist I have seen many individuals experience a fixed mindset that keeps them stuck believing self-defeating thoughts. A friend of mine was running a local marathon and at the time the half marathon runners (who started later would run alongside the marathon runners). The half marathon runners were running fast and my friend started running to the half marathon pace. She ultimately didn’t finish the race as she couldn’t sustain the faster speed and her mindset that kept her believing fear of not keeping pace or being outperformed leading to paralysis or quitting.  In high school, my daughter was running a cross-country race. This race was on a track. As she ran she got off to a great start and took the lead. One other runner kept trying to overtake her but when she got close, my daughter would speed up again. Her mindset was embracing the challenge and staying strong. Usually, the hardest challenges are the ones that are important to tackle to grow.

The concept of “mindset” was popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck, refers to the underlying beliefs we hold about our intelligence and abilities. A fixed mindset assumes these qualities are innate and unchangeable, leading individuals to avoid challenges and fear failure. In contrast, a growth mindset is the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication, effort, learning, and viewing setbacks as opportunities for improvement.

Making the transition isn’t an overnight fix, it’s a dynamic, ongoing journey of self-reflection and conscious choice. 

1.     Acknowledge and interrogate your inner critic

I like to have clients name their inner critic something funny (the Grinch, Boogeyman, etc)

·        Listen for triggers: Notice when you feel defensive, threatened, or insecure, especially when facing a new challenge or receiving criticism. Your inner critic may say “I can’t do this” “I’m bad at this” or “What if I fail”

·       Question the thought: Instead of accepting these thoughts as truth challenge them. Just because you have a thought-doesn’t mean it’s true. Ask What evidence do I have that this thought is true?

2.     Embrace the power of yet

·       Add the word yet to a fixed mindset statement, it is a simple and powerful technique. This small linguistic technique reframes a perceived endpoint as a pont in a journey.

·       Fixed “I’m not organized”

·       Growth “I’m not organized yet”

This changes the internal narrative from a judgement of inherent ability to an acknowledgement of a current stage of learning

3.     Focus on the Process not just the outcome

 An important tenet of the growth mindset is valuing the journey and the effort involved,                                                     rather than just the final results.

·       Appreciate the effort: Praise the persistence, strategies and hard work used not just the “talent”. This reinforces the idea that effort is the pathway to mastery.

·       Set process-oriented goal rather than a goal like “get an A “  set a goal like “practice math problems for 30 minutes every day using new strategies”.

4.     Reframe Failure as feedback

·       Failure s a reflection of worth in a fixed mindset, but in a growth mindset, it is essential information for improvement.

·       Analyze mistake: When something goes wrong, don’t dwell on it as a personal failing, instead analyze what went wrong, what you learned and how you can approach it differently next time.

·       Learn from others. Find inspiration in the success and failure of others. Many highly successful people faced numerous setbacks on their path to mastery.

5.     Seek opportunities for continuous learning

People with a growth mindset cultivate a love for learning and proactively seek new challenges

·       Step outside your comfort zone: Embrace opportunities to try new things and calculate risks.

·       Solicit feedback: Activly ask for constructive criticism for mentors and peers. View it as a valuable data point to help you grow, not an attack on your abilities.

The transition takes time, self-compassion, and consistent effort. By being mindful of your thoughts and actions, you can effectively rewire your brain for adaptability and resilience, unlocking your potential for continuous development.