Healing After Loss: Honoring Sadness While Making Room for Gratitude

Healing After Loss: Honoring Sadness While Making Room for Gratitude

The concept of gratitude can sound jarring when you are deep in the trenches of loss. The human heart and mind are vast enough to hold seemingly contradictory emotions simultaneously. Healing isn’t about replacing sadness with joy; it’s about making room for both.

This post explores how you can honor your profound sadness and find authentic moments of gratitude in the same breath.

The False Dichotomy of Grief

In my therapy practice, we often use a feeling wheel to help clients check in with their emotions. Many times, a variety of feelings come up. When we experience major loss, our society pressures us to either grieve or be grateful, creating a forced sense of "moving on" or adopting "forced positivity".

This is a false dichotomy.

Imagine a garden after a storm. The storm's damage is real and must be cleared, but new growth can still emerge from the soil. When the devastation is the loss of a loved one, a life-threatening diagnosis, the end of a significant relationship, or the loss of a job, there is still space for growth to occur. I believe some of the greatest growth happens during the most challenging seasons. It is important to give yourself space to express sadness, anger, and hurt while allowing small flickers of gratitude to exist.

Practical Steps for Finding Micro-Gratitude

Instead of striving for an overwhelming "I'm grateful for the day" feeling, consider focusing on smaller, more manageable moments of appreciation.

• Express micro-gratitude: Appreciate the specialty coffee, or the feel of sunlight on your face.

• Set a sensory anchor: Set an alarm daily to pause and acknowledge one sensory input you are grateful for (what you see, hear, touch, smell, or taste).

• Keep a daily note: Write one small thing you are grateful for on a sticky note each day and put it somewhere you can see it.

• Honor the legacy: When experiencing loss, it is helpful to honor what was lost through appreciation of what remains. Honoring the legacy of the person, job, or relationship that ended won't change the situation, but it can bring some comfort as you move forward.

• Focus on your support system: Appreciate the people around you that care for you. Now is not the time to isolate; it is time to reach out to those around you. Support strengthens connection and reminds us we are not alone.

Healing on Your Own Timeline

It is important to remember, you don't have to choose between your pain and your peace; you can feel broken and grateful simultaneously. Healing is a process that takes time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself permission to feel big emotions as you deal with your loss.

If you are navigating the complications of a loss, you don't have to do it alone. Shore Crest Counseling has compassionate therapists available for a consultation to provide support for your unique journey.